Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Lawyers Are People Too

Really? I'm gobsmacked. Generally speaking, they have sociopathic tendencies whenever they are not outright sociopaths. Are there exceptions? Possibly, but I'm not sure I've ever met one. However I've never met Bigfoot either. I might have seen a flying saucer but I'd been drinking...One hears rumors...

Back before the earth's crust had cooled and the first lifeforms had emerged from the sea, I had a friend we'll call “Wade”. He was a TV cameraman before discovering he could twist the Hell out of any logical string to completely distort any possible meaning. Hence, he became a lawyer. For the Mob. In Miami.

All was going well, money was seriously piling up, and it seemed Wade had truly found his calling. Now you know how to make God laugh don't you? Have things go too good and tell Him your plans. Guaranteed to give Him a grin every time. Wade's prosecutor was sweet baby Janet Reno, Attorney General of Florida. She ate his lunch. “Our Specialty of the Day is fried liver Ms. Reno. Would you like a slice?”

Eventually Wade found himself in Lake City where he owned, in addition to his rather nice home, three apartment complexes, a mini-mansion on Fernandina beach, and a villa in the South of France that I was aware of. At his death, the local mullet wrapper said he left $2 million in cash. The mullet wrapper must have found his wallet in the car wreck. ...if they only knew...

Wade was really in to helping improve kids' lives and he had a “special” cause with a really rotten local cult. He provided the kids with bicycles that he had personally cleaned, painted, and repaired. Those bikes were not the “made in China” store bikes, they were bikes from someone that really cared. I had gotten involved when he wanted to do the same with computers for the kids. That's when I realized that Stockholm Syndrome is a real thing: women and kids there so long they couldn't leave. They were afraid of any other way of life.

In addition, my wife and self were involved with a local foster home that had to be one of the happiest I've ever seen. One of their new charges was a 14 year old girl who had serious issues. She came from a background of a big-time druggie mother with multiple druggie “boyfriends” and probable child rape was involved. She fit in that household the way a feral, rabid cat would fit in a box full of puppies. One of her first actions was to accuse the father of rape. Child Protective Services, in it's usual brilliance (absolutely none), accepted the the child's word, had the father arrested, and split the family to other foster homes. Enter Wade to the rescue. He got it all sorted and everyone back where they belonged. I hope the jackasses at CPS apologized profoundly but I rather suspect those mindless myrmidons wouldn't even if they had the brains. The husband and wife were so shook up, they never accepted another child. That was a terrible loss both to kids in need and the State of Florida.

You might wonder if I had found a lawyer that was truly different. There's a few more anecdotes to consider.

Now Wade was hated by cops in Columbia, Hamilton, and Suwanee counties. Seems even when the cops accidentally made a righteous bust, the cops had fangs and the perps had halos! He drove like a bat out of Hell and never got a ticket; the cops wouldn't dare. He'd wind up owning their homes, their wives, and make them eat their children! I once went in to watch a particularly strange case that I thought Wade would surely loose. How wrong I was! Watching him in the courtroom was like poetry in motion! “My son, the attorney, it is to cry for!” (I couldn't help that, I'll try to behave! ;o)

Again, did Wade do anything wrong? By playing the prosecution like a cat does mice and heaping public scorn all over them? Hell no. They were lawyers. Lawyers need to have scorn piled all over them! Wade done good.

As far as the guilt or innocence of the defendants, there was a hole in the law one could drive a truck through. Guilty of a non-crime hence, innocent. Did Wade do good? Your call. He could have had the bad guys put in the pokey by ignoring the hole in the law but that would be unethical. Lawyers. Ethics. Something is making me itch.

The following is me plagerising myself and for my excuse, it defines what most men I've known go through in a divorce:

Now for the last anecdote for the moment. As you know, there are certain “givens” in a divorce. The wife is going to get the house, car, kids, savings and retirement accounts, plus child support, dental and medical care, and the dog. In certain states she is eligible for alimony as well.

The husband gets squat. Well, at least in Florida he can get debtor's prison. That's something. His quality of life will diminish somewhat, living in the dismal dump that is all he can afford. At least the roaches are large and numerous enough to provide plenty of protein. The judge can set any amount of the husband's income for child support, etc. with automatic adjustments for inflation (supreme judicial prejudice). Keep in mind, the ratchet works only one way. It always goes up, never down. What happens if he gets a raise? Yup. Sweet little Ellie Sue can petition the court and presto, she gets a whacking big increase in child support, etc. The State gets some as well. His tax rate reflects the total raise, hence the raise is actually a decrease of income while child support has gone up!
 
 
Please boss, don't give me another raise or I'll go broke!

What happens if he looses his job? Why, it becomes rather difficult to pay child support. The State will rather rapidly throw one in debtor's prison where he has 6 months to re-consider the wonderfulness of the most beautiful girl under the bleachers and their 6 snot monsters. The State will save one the problem of renewing any licenses that one may need for future employment, driver's license as well. They all get canceled. So when the poor critter gets out, he'll be homeless, his vehicle impoundment charges exceed its value, his household goods including that wonderful dented aluminum pot he got at the flea market he boiled his morning gruel in, have been donated to a worthy charity. The one that has many fleet feet and comes by night. ...and he still owes child support.

This actually happened to my friend, Jim. He also owed, in addition to his own, his ex-wife's lawyer. He paid the evil shyster his wife retained with a wheelbarrow full of pennies. The shyster's name? Why Wade of course!

Are lawyers really people?

Found: ACTUALLY GIVEN HOW OFTEN, AND HOW CAPRICIOUSLY, BUREAUCRATS TAKE AWAY PEOPLE’S KIDS, WHAT’S SURPRISING IS THAT THIS DOESN’T HAPPEN MORE OFTEN: Vermont mom who lost custody of child kills DCF worker, officials say. - Instapundit
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