Way Too Late

This article is one among scads that have come out over the years about how insecure our national “secrets” are or why we even bother. Maybe we'd be better off if everything was open. Why should we classify the bad guys stuff as well as our own, or, for that matter, classify covert personal background information and the particular people that did said investigations? Remember Hillary's 900 FBI files? Those things could be used to blackmail the hell out of Mother Theresa (dollars to donuts she had a file) and considering the level of criminality and just bad cess politicians have, we might get a better government. Nah...

A total openness of society would be a big step toward the progressives (oxymoron followed by morons) getting the society they want. Here's a little hint; no way, no how, never a snowflake's chance in Hell. 80% of the American voter (I made that up. It's probably higher!) is incapable of understanding cause and effect beyond knowing crack makes them happy, rubbing their naughty parts together feels good, and the gubberment gives dem obamafones. Jonathon “the stupidity of the American voter” Gruber, may be a insufferable little Obama administration shit but he's right. Other than Obama, who is another royally stupid little shit, no one really wants Iran and the mad mullahs to get atomic weapons. With 100 generations of inbred, illiterate sand savages drumming up “belief” in their miserable little twat of a moon god, does anybody really think they won't use atomics? ...sigh...

Since there isn't a real direction that this essay is going, I'm going to an occurrence of 29 years ago in Albuquerque. I was in a highly classified section of Sandia National Labs with access to scads of peculiar documents. The Cold War was still hot, US secrets were still actively sought, and this made a lot of fun for certain of us.

I was a member of the Caravan Club, a amateur radio organization, that had lots of members that met monthly with technical presentations of all sorts. This evening I had gone alone as my gal and future wife Nina had better things to do than sit through a presentation on amateur radio satellites.

After the presentation, a handful of us from Sandia were socializing when a very pretty young woman came to join us, primarily me as it turned out. She ostensibly was looking for information on the health effects at depth of certain types of electromagnetic radiation for a college paper. Ding! Ding! Ding! She kept up her spiel longer and with more enthusiasm than really necessary, however I was kinda encouraging her. She was really nice to look at, and, well, it's kinda inbuilt! She had her black hair in a really cute bob I liked (just like Nina's), a small, oval face with a pixie chin (just like Nina's),and a little, well-formed body (guess what? Just like...). She was also about ten years younger, however, she had a rather bad set of crow's feet that were not concealed by make-up (stress?) and a nervousness in her speech that told me she really didn't know what her handlers really wanted.

The routine was to report any suspicious contacts to security, not the guard-type, the spook type. Early on, we received a couple of seminars in identifying espionage, especially the honey-trap sort! Seems there were a lot of young men with lots of classified information, high I.Q.'s, zits, no girlfriends, and zero common sense.

Well, I reported as required and I had a suggestion for the guys. First, you need to know she was a Soviet spy, one of hundreds sniffing around the lab, nothing unusual. My suggestion was to provide her with the info, only from Soviet sources!

There were a few problems with doing this. Number one was this would tell the Soviets their agent was blown, no big deal, there were a lot more. Number two was this would tell them that we had an agent who had access to their equivalent files and would probably trace him/her down. Not good.

Did you know Julia Childs was a WW 2 spook?

(Look! A squirrel! (ADHD))

The document selected was a never-released 1947 classified Soviet bit of dirty work with many decades between our operatives and then. Just right to tease Ivan with! Of course someone had to go and retrieve said document from the archives. Keep in mind, no espionage archives were kept on computer (allegedly) due the potential loss of intel networks.

There were two libraries at Sandia, the first was a very good technical library with an excellent staff to help one through. The second was a bit different. It contained the combined works of the infernal deities and black ops from the latest to the neolithic period. Of course it is underground. The entrance is barred similar to the entrance to the torture chambers belonging to the Spanish Inquisition and the staff, well, have you seen “Night of the Living Dead”? One doesn't go there unless one has to. The staff is quite protective of their “stuff."

Natasha (like the name?!) had came over to the house twice when Nina wasn't home to let me know how her “paper” was going, when would I have the additional information, and how much she “appreciated” my help. She was really grateful, however I really didn't want to provide Nina with new earrings. I preferred my balls dangling from the usual place. You see, I'm incapable of lying and not getting caught. When I try, my ears turn bright red. I'm also extremely poor at poker.

How did she know that Nina was not home? Actually, the various spook groups kept pretty good dossiers on the comings and goings of their targets. If you are in a lab spook group, you have no privacy even from (especially from) your own folk and you know that going in.

All good things have to come to an end. I presented her with a English translation of a 39 year old Russian “for your eyes only” document to much smiling appreciation! I felt like a little shit. ...a happy little shit!

Sadly, I never saw Natasha again. Happily, Nina felt no need for new earrings.