Kinky

Several years ago I ran across a list of things you don't want to hear and one of them was “It will only seem kinky the first time”. I rather liked it, and, having a unusually fertile imagination, it kept me quite amused! How did the old saying go? Simple minds are easily amused?

Something was bothering me and took days to figure it out. The sentence was missing two words. It should have read “She said it will only seem kinky the first time”. You see, my first ex-wife was quite creative and kinda frisky. Wanted to try something new out on me. “Hell, girl, that'll seem kinky EVERY time! It did. Fun in a strange sort of way.

We were only married for a couple of months and neither one of us proposed. Nope, alcohol and drugs were not involved. A bunch of Cajuns were, as well as it being August in Southern Alabama. Her being a native San Franciscan and me a long time resident of the same might have had something to do with it. Addled by the heat. Cajuns LOVE weddings. And partying. One of the Cajuns was my step-dad who, in a bunch more years was also to be my uncle because my 2^nd ex-wife was his niece and when we had kids, that made my mother aunt granny! Isn't this fun?! ...and NO marriages were between blood kin! My tiny little Scottish grandmother thought we needed a bundling board (go look it up). Does this sound a bit disjointed? It is and we were and I still am. There's a whole lot more of the same but even thinking about it will get one busted in many states and would have them carry me off babbling in a butterfly net.

I remained good friends with Fran over the decades and strangely, her and Nina became good friends. Now I'll tell you, that was some serious nervous-making. 3,000 miles apart and they were plotting my demise. My life was soon to end. A Irish girl talking about a German boy to a Italian girl! Oh, the humanity! ...walking around with a severe case of the “yeeps!” is not good for a person...

One morning before dawn, Nina brought a selection of tools into the bedroom. Although I am normally not a big fan of sharp objects in the bedroom, I let this slide. She joined me in bed and began performing certain actions, quite interesting but quite painful. My joints were not nearly as flexible as they had been many years ago and there was a good chance of breaking a bone.

Now ten years after Nina's death and 25 years after her conversation with Fran, I've finally figured out what the ex-husband of my high school girlfriend meant when he wrote “It will only seem kinky the first time”. Fran was telling Nina a very unusual method of giving me a pedicure!

 

Read it through again. What WERE you thinking? I'm not that kind of person!

 

That hurts!

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